mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Your dad touched me again.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
