I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
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