A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Randomize
