just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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