nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
