Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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