She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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