Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
