Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize