is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
