All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
