i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Someone came in the potted fern
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Randomize
