i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
