Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
