Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
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i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
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Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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