Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
