I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
