woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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