I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
