New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
