I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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