$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Randomize
