It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
