I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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