she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
