i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
