Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
