I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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