What did we do last night that was yellow?
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Randomize
