I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
