you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
