you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
