i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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