Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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