Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
COCAINE IS GR8
Randomize
