Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
