Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Just invented taco cereal.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
