I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
