the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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