I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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