Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
