All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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