the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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