Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
