Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
