He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Randomize
