Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
