I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize
