Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I'm at about main and main street
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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