haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
