We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
