i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
