i'm signing you up for texting rehab
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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