I CAN MOONWALK!
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Randomize
