just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
