is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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