And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Who died my cat blue again?
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
