I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
