Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
