He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
