So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
