he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
