A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
