Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
