You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize