thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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