hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
