hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
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