she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Of course I have a pirate flag
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
