And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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