Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
