You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
