I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
