She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
