I can't watch pbs sober anymore
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
