I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Can Purell be used as lube?
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
