I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
