I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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