So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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