We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
