...so i touched it.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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